Chapter 30

I lowered my gaze, not daring to meet his eyes, and could only bow respectfully, saying, “My lord, what are your orders?”

“It’s you…” The baron glanced at me indifferently, “By the way, Kahn has returned.”

I awkwardly lowered my head, thinking to myself, how could he not know Kahn was already back?

“Are you… feeling better?” he asked softly.

My cheeks warmed slightly as I replied, “I am in good health and feel no discomfort.”

The baron remained silent, and the atmosphere around us grew heavy. After a long pause, he finally spoke in a flat tone, “I have no need of anything. You may leave.”

I bowed and retreated from the room, puzzled: Did he summon me here just to ask about my health?

Carrying the candlestick back to the servants’ quarters on the first floor, I had just sat down when the bell on the wall rang urgently again. Under everyone’s gaze, I hurried back to the second floor. As a servant, I should always be on call, but being summoned back and forth like this made me seem incompetent, even drawing a dissatisfied look from Hodgson.

When I stepped into the baron’s bedroom again, he was already standing by the bed. The candlelight cast his shadow long across the floor.

He didn’t look at me but stared at the carpet beneath his feet, his voice hoarse: “I am going to rest.”

In an instant, my face flushed red. This seemingly ordinary instruction made my heart race. Was he hinting at something? Or was it just a simple order?

I approached him and stood before him. When I raised my eyes, I found him staring at me intently. I lowered my gaze and began to undress him, loosening his cravat, buttons, belt… until only his shirt remained.

The baron was accustomed to sleeping in his shirt, changing into a fresh one in the morning. Yet he stood there motionless, as if not intending to sleep. Summoning my courage, I looked up again and saw his cheeks flushed as he gazed at me.

That night, I resolved to enter the baron’s bedroom, fully aware of what I was about to do. At the same time, I understood that if the baron accepted me, such situations might occur frequently. But when the moment came, I felt cowardly—not just because of the intimate acts but also because of the baron’s burning gaze, which I could hardly withstand.

When the baron’s hand lightly touched my shoulder, I was already breathless, my heart pounding, sweat beading on my forehead. Yet, his movements suddenly halted. He stared at me and said coldly, “Get out.”

His tone was icy, as if he were angry with me. I stared at him in shock, and he seemed even more irritated, adding, “I don’t want to see you.” Perhaps my frightened demeanor had provoked him. He climbed into bed without waiting for me to leave and blew out the candle.

I stood awkwardly by the bed, caught in a dilemma. I thought to myself: “Since I had already used my body to buy the baron’s silence, why was I being coy now?”

“Do you… accept me?” he asked cautiously. “Earlier, you seemed so tense… Were you unwilling…?”

“I am willing, just… too nervous…” Before I could finish, the baron sighed in relief and leaned over me, gently caressing my cheek.

I stroked his back, my fingers tracing the curve of his spine, but suddenly, a pang of sorrow welled up in my heart.

The reason the baron had always been alone was that he loved men, and his appearance had also been somewhat marred. Those decadent nobles only saw his exterior, failing to perceive the beauty within, leaving him perpetually isolated. Faced with such a man, not only had I caused his death in my past life, but in this life, I was exploiting his feelings for my own ends.

Thinking of these, regret instantly surged in my heart. I held him tightly, unable to utter a single word. The baron kissed and lightly bit my neck, gently rubbing his body against mine, then whispered in my ear words that made my heart clench: “I love you. I’ve fallen in love with you, I’ve loved you for a long time, do you know?”

I tightened my embrace around his back, momentarily at a loss for how to respond. The baron didn’t notice my tension, as he unreservedly laid his heartfelt words before me. “On that morning when I was suspected of having smallpox, I woke up in your arms while you were still asleep. I looked at you and thought how brave you were, willing to sleep holding someone who might have smallpox, just because you were afraid I’d be cold. At that moment, I wished I could keep you by my side forever, so I’d never have to fear the cold again.”

He continued, “I never intended to send you away. I just wanted to scare you, hoping you’d tell me the truth—why did you frame the viscount’s family? What reason keeps you silent even now?” His questioning made my heart tighten. I couldn’t let him keep probing.

I returned to my bedroom, not in a hurry to tidy my disheveled state, but sat weakly on the bed, my heart filled with complex emotions.

His words from tonight flashed through my mind. He said he loved me…

At the time, I didn’t respond at all, even using a terrible method to make him forget the question. Looking back, I felt truly despicable, as if I were toying with his feelings.

On the desk, the brooch the baron gave me shimmered with a golden glow under the candlelight. I pressed it to my chest, trying to suppress the chaos in my mind. Yet, time didn’t pause its relentless march forward despite my panic.

When the morning bell rang, I realized I had actually fallen asleep. I hurriedly changed clothes, went downstairs for breakfast, then carried a tea tray back upstairs.

He had instructed last night that he wanted to see me first thing in the morning. This was such an awkward situation, because everything last night had been too chaotic, downright reckless. Back then, there were no lights, just pitch darkness, and not much shame either. But in hindsight, I still felt I’d been too bold and wanton—we’d tangled until nearly eleven.

I lingered outside his door for a long time before finally mustering the courage to knock and ask, “My lord, are you awake?” Unexpectedly, the door swung open on its own, and he stood there with a gentle smile. The moment I stepped inside, he embraced me, lightly kissed my cheek, and said with a laugh, “Morning.”

I was so flustered I didn’t know what to do. Yesterday, we’d been like strangers, too timid to even meet each other’s eyes, stiff with embarrassment when speaking. But today, this familiarity unsettled me—was this really okay?

“You’re blushing.” He lifted my chin and lightly pecked my lips. “What? Are you embarrassed?”

“I… I’ll help you dress,” I murmured.

He nuzzled me gently, almost pouting as he asked, “What’s wrong? Last night you were so passionate, but this morning you’re so cold, as if nothing happened. It was the same last time—I barely touched you, and you trembled all over. Do you hate me?”

I couldn’t believe the usually cold baron was now complaining to me in such a coquettish tone. Gazing into his eyes, I shook my head. “How could I ever hate you? I’d do anything for you.”

He looked at me and grinned foolishly. Then, gripping my shoulders, he kissed me again. This kiss was full of tenderness, as if nothing else in the world mattered to him.

Time flew by in the blink of an eye, with all the kissing and cuddling, half an hour passed just like that. I regretfully urged him to get dressed quickly. Because the baron’s schedule was extremely rigid, he would go downstairs to dine and ride at the same time every day. If the timing suddenly changed, everyone would notice. And at this moment, I still hadn’t realized that this was only the beginning, with even worse things waiting for me later.

After breakfast, the baron announced that he wouldn’t be riding today. Instead, he was going to his study to work and would not receive any guests, absolutely forbidding anyone from disturbing him. This move made me sweat nervously.

This was definitely an unusual and rare command from him, so much so that even the butler gave him a puzzled look. Then, he said to Kahn, who had just returned, “I heard your wife is about to give birth. There’s no need to rush back—stay with her for a few days.”

Kahn was so moved that he shook his head vigorously. “It’s nothing serious. How could I abandon my duties?”

Clearly, the baron was dissatisfied with his dedication and impatiently urged, “Enough, enough. It’s settled.”

Kahn went home in confusion. Meanwhile, the baron finally got his wish to be alone with me, and he seemed even more enthusiastic than he had been in the morning.