Chapter 18

The baron paced back and forth in the room, hands clasped behind his back, his expression restless. He spoke: “Ever since you risked yourself to care for me, I haven’t been able to forget you. Of course, I noticed your attitude toward Berry, but that can only be blamed on your background and upbringing. You come from humble origins and are accustomed to flattery—that’s not your fault. I can forgive your lapses, as long as you mind your words and actions from now on.”

He continued: “I’m not ashamed to admit my feelings for you. After leaving Baker Manor, I thought of you almost every day. I didn’t mean to be cold toward you—in fact, I’d long planned to invite you to my estate. So when my uncle asked to borrow money, I seized the opportunity to make my request. Given our difference in status and our lack of familiarity, I couldn’t easily accept you. After you arrived at my estate, I kept you at a distance because I assumed your attentiveness was mere sycophancy. But today, when you risked your life to save me… I… I’m sorry for having misjudged your sincerity.”

After saying this, the baron let out a long breath and looked at me solemnly. His expression was earnest and focused, his brown eyes reflecting my image. I heard his low, raspy voice slowly say: “I… I accept you… You shouldn’t have done something so dangerous… You worried me…”

I remained silent, as if half a century had passed in an instant. Though I’d long suspected the baron’s feelings for me, this was the first time I’d heard such a direct confession. A flicker of emotion rose in me, but I couldn’t help wondering: Had the baron ever pursued someone else with this same condescending air? If so, it likely hadn’t gone well.

I met his gaze and said seriously: “My lord, there’s something I must clarify. I respect you deeply—whether caring for you or saving you, it was all out of that respect. But there are no special feelings beyond that.”

The baron froze, his brown eyes unblinking, his face abruptly darkening. Unable to hold his gaze, I lowered my eyes. Then I heard his breathing grow heavier, followed by two cold laughs. He stepped closer and said quietly: “I hope you’re not playing hard to get or scheming. If so, I must warn you—it angers me.”

I remained silent. Austin seemed furious, unable to speak for a long while. Finally, he demanded sharply, “If you didn’t mean it that way, why did you make a series of ambiguous moves?”

I sighed inwardly. Indeed, as he said, knowing full well he had feelings for me, I still behaved inappropriately. Especially during our first meeting, when I lay in bed embracing the sick baron—such behavior was undeniably ambiguous, no wonder he misunderstood it as me seducing him.

I simply wanted to be good to him and didn’t mind fulfilling some of his desires. Though male relationships were often taboo in the eyes of outsiders, they weren’t uncommon among the nobility. If the baron truly intended this, as someone who had always wanted to make amends to him, I was willing to fulfill any request he made.

But was this really okay? I asked myself: if Lauren told me now that she regretted her past actions toward me and wanted to make it up by marrying me, could I still accept her? No, not only would I refuse, I might even feel disgusted.

The reason the baron was willing to love someone as despicable and selfish as me was that he didn’t truly know me. He only developed feelings because of a few small things I’d done and my handsome appearance. If he had also been reborn, how would he see me now? Would he seek revenge, just as I hated the Lloyd family?

The guilt in my conscience made me lower my head, unable to look at him. I heard myself say, “I’m sorry.”

“So you did it on purpose. You noticed I liked men and tried to seduce me for benefits. But when I laid my cards on the table, you couldn’t accept a man. Am I right?” the baron said coldly.

I didn’t refute a single word the baron said. No matter how he saw me—as despicable or wretched—he couldn’t know I was even more despicable and wretched than he imagined.

The room was eerily quiet, with only the sound of the baron’s furious, ragged breathing. After a long time, he walked past me in silence and left the room.

The baron had never lost his temper with me like this, neither in this life nor the last. It seemed I had truly angered him. Would he kick me out? I didn’t know—in truth, I didn’t understand him very well.

For the rest of the day, the baron summoned Kahn to attend to him. I waited anxiously for judgment. But Austin gave no reaction—he didn’t inform the steward to dismiss me, nor did he send me back to Baker Manor. Early the next morning, he called me to his study again.

Austin looked unwell, though he had never looked particularly healthy. In his usual low, measured tone, he said to me, “Mr. Toker Brant.” At that moment, it felt as if yesterday’s intense and awkward conversation had never happened. Austin’s tone was icy and distant, yet he remained composed as he said, “I apologize.”

Hearing this, I looked at him in surprise. He actually apologized to me—after all, he was my master and a nobleman. Someone of his status didn’t casually apologize to servants. “You mustn’t say that. It was entirely my fault, my improper behavior that led to this misunderstanding,” I said earnestly.

“No…” Austin said slowly. “In truth, your behavior wasn’t out of line. I was the one who lost composure. For someone like me, born with an inclination toward men, opportunities to meet someone I like are too rare in life, so…”

His words made my heart ache. Realizing I had still caused him pain, I couldn’t help but say, “I can leave the manor immediately.”

“No need,” Austin interrupted, his voice commanding and leaving no room for refusal. “I want you to stay. I promise I won’t do anything to embarrass us both from now on.”

He sighed and continued, “Although I prefer men, I would never use my status to force anyone, especially you, a servant in my manor. I would never do anything that would disgrace my position; I will simply treat you as my servant. Whether you marry or anything else, I ask you to forget the awkward experience yesterday. If you still insist on leaving, then you are free to go at any time.”

Of course, I didn’t want to leave. There were things I still had to do. If I left, Baker Manor probably wouldn’t let me return, which would hinder my plans. So, I bowed to Austin and then withdrew.

True to Austin’s words, he never showed any obvious special affection toward me again, and our interactions became almost identical to those in my past life. He still often had me serve him, while being extremely indulgent toward me. Even when I made mistakes, he never reprimanded me. This behavior made me realize a terrible truth: in my past life, the baron had been interested in me but had never intended to force me. Even when he knew I was unwilling, he simply treated me as an ordinary servant. It was because he liked me that he showed extra favor, yet I…

The spring rain in the royal capital was continuous, and the damp air caused everything to ferment rapidly. People in the kitchen frequently complained that the food spoiled too quickly. Kahn, who was also a valet like me, was getting married. He had asked the kitchen to help prepare food for the wedding, so he was very worried about the food spoilage.

“She’s the daughter of a tenant in the manor,” Kahn said with a blissful expression. “We fell in love in our teens, but my family had many younger siblings, and all the money I earned went toward living expenses, so I never managed to save enough for marriage. This year, we couldn’t delay any longer—she’s pregnant, and I didn’t want my first child to be a bastard. I pleaded with the baron, and he exempted us from the marriage tax.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful! Congratulations!” Everyone congratulated him. Kahn was already in his thirties, and when he said he’d never saved enough for marriage, he wasn’t joking. In this country, the marriage tax was quite high.

If you were a city worker, you had to pay the marriage tax to the marriage registry; for those living in manors, marital affairs were managed by the local landowner. Many couldn’t afford the hefty marriage tax, leading to delayed marriages and even a large number of bastards among the common folk. Kahn was very lucky—the baron exempted him from the tax, effectively covering the cost for him.

This was a testament to Austin’s generosity. In Baker Manor, the viscount imposed exorbitant marriage taxes on the people under his rule. Those who couldn’t afford it simply didn’t marry, and illegitimate children were often abandoned since unwed childbirth was illegal. This undoubtedly created a shortsighted, unsustainable situation. If even such issues were hard to resolve, no wonder Baker Manor was struggling.

“I asked the baron to witness our wedding, and he agreed,” Kahn said proudly. The crowd cheered—having the baron witness a wedding was indeed something to be proud of. Finally, Kahn told me he wanted me to be his best man.